Falling For Him
by lovemeasiam
Summary: A piece of writing that I was kind of experimenting with. Hard to summarise without giving anything away which is the whole point. Incl. twinsgryffindor chasers.


**This is just something I came up with randomly whilst trying to some history or something. I don't even know how I came up with it, but I did. And it's kind of a guessing game through out but that's what I wanted it to be – everything to be unclear just like the person is feeling. So enjoy I hope…**

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Falling For Him…

It's not like I meant to fall for him Angie, it just kind of happened. I've never said anything to him, after all he's still moping around after you and what would he want with me anyway when he always had you? Tell him how I felt about him, how silly…He still loves you.

He's a mess Angie, I'm a mess. We all miss you so much and I think that he doesn't think living is worth it without you. God, Ang, it breaks my heart to see him like this. What do I do? I'm just his way of getting close to you again, the only connection with you he has left. You know what they used to say about us – separated at birth and all that. I think he's so messed up he can't tell the difference between a meaningless joke we once all shared and reality. I think when he sees me, he sees you and that hurts really badly – but, I know this is wrong, it means I can have him and I don't mind that, not one little bit.

I guess you want to know how it all started then. Well. It was about a week after you…disappeared. We were in your apartment, sorting through the stuff you had left. He had found a photo of the three of us. It was the one when we had just got off the train at the beginning of seventh year, before we got in the carriages heading for Hogwarts. He was kissing you on the cheek and you were pretending to squirm. You could barely see me as the photo was mainly focused on the two of you, but I was there – looking plain in comparison to you. My hair was dull compared to the sleek mane you managed to keep so shiny and healthy. My clothes dull and drab compared to your new ones that looked as though they were made just for you – and now I think of it, probably were.

He made a comment on how beautiful you looked and proceeded to pick out all the details of the photo; a little scratch you had above your left eyebrow from attempting a daring new formation for quidditch in the holidays, the amount of freckles he had upon his nose that day (he had written it on the back after it had been taken, remember?) but he never once mentioned me.

I figured he wanted to be alone, so I was just heading out the doorway. I had my hand on the door handle when I heard this hitched breath from the opposite side of the room and a whispered, "Angie". I couldn't help it; I turned around and ran to where he was, engulfing him in my arms. Before I knew it, he had captured my lips with his own and I fell in love.

He can never know, Ang, never. He will never want to see me again – I will lose him. I don't want him, but oh so how I do. If you hadn't gone away Ang, if you hadn't left us I would never have had him and my life would be so much simpler.

So simple. But so empty.

How do I know he doesn't love me back? Simple. He told me – during that first kiss he whispered something, it wasn't till after we had broken away from each other that I realised what he had said; "Angie, I will never stop loving you." What more does a girl need proof wise?

Oh, you were such a fool. Never believing in his love for you. Always accusing him of cheating on you – and he hasn't yet, even now that you've left. I know I don't count – to him I am merely an extension of you and never will be anything more than that. It's weird never having someone but always being with them, I feel like I'm standing on the top of a cliff, balancing precariously over the edge – nearly falling but not quite. Some days I've slipped right off and am barely holding on by my finger tips. Other days he has taken me into his arms and slipped me into a cave – safe from the claws of the giant sea reaching up to take me – but I can never find that cave on my own.

I need him.

I will never stop needing him, or loving him, no matter how many times he hurts me or ignores me…or calls your name.

The same way he will never stop needing you or loving you, it's what stops him from letting go of you and leaving me alone so we can both get on with our lives.

I would leave him if he asked me to.

But he doesn't.

I would leave him if he ever got over you.

But he won't.

I would never leave him if he broke my heart.

For he has so many times before.

And I know he never will stop, because he can't help it. He's so blind to reality because you left him. He never will be the same, observing, fun-loving, wild and mad guy that you fell in love with. Because of you he will forever be blind, un-caring, in a constant state of depression and denial – he will forever be the man I fell in love with. Which means I can never fall out of love with him.

Falling for him is the hardest and toughest thing I have ever had to do. I'm not saying that losing you wasn't but it has combined with this to make my life a misery. Days, weeks, months and years whirl past me – but yet I am still oblivious to how long ago you left. Time stands still for him and because I am attached I cannot find it either.

I can't tell you the last time I saw you, or my family, or my friends. I can't tell you my address or my telephone number or even if I have one. I can't tell you my age, my hair colour or even the colour of the sky. My world is in monotone – shades of black and white – all except for him, he stands out in dreary colours – separated from the world.

He separates me from the world, my life, and all the things I used to care for and feel some passion for. My life revolves around him and therefore it revolves around you.

But you are not here.

I didn't mean to fall for him Angie, it just happened…

_Alicia stood up from the ground she had been seated on. She turned around and clutched her fist before noticing the flowers that lay crumpled in them. She turned back round and dropped the flowers where she had been sitting previously before walking away._

"Goodbye, Angie"

_And she walked away from the graveyard for the last time back to the man she loved, Fred Weasley._

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**Thanks for reading, please review because I haven't really tried out this sort of writing before so I would really love some feedback. **


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